now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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