clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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