If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
