New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
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Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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