I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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