As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Randomize
