Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
