please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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