I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
