I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
did you just send me my own nude
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
we're so committed to being not committed
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
