It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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