The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i dont even know how to be here
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
