I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
