Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
