the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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