there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
