oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
