you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
