call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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