This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
