So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
