'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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