Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
