"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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