I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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