i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
