Sry I called you an 8
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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