Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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