fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
