Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
