i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I am one with the molecules
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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