I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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