when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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