Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
