The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
