Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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