I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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