But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
