I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
