I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
