Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
