I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
