As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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