oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
