I think i peed on brittanys purse
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
