I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
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Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
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Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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