so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
