I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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