On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize