My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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