sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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