Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
