i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
