I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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