i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
