he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
