The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
