You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's never too late to be topless.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS