Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend