So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know