I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car