Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.