i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
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I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
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First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.